if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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