Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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