ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize