Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
