I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
