I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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