that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i believe in u and ur pee
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