I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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