I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
