Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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