So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
