I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
