I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
