I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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