we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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