I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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