def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
