ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
