Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
