and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
