thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
