just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
