so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
