we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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