Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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