You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
