Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
