I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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