Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
