If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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