Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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