$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
whose parrot is this?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
