fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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