one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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