My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
