Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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