Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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