I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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