Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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