I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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