It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
