Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I could fuck to npr.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize