if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
