Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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