update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
