Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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