this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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