The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
where am i from again
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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