He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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