he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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