I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
