I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this will be a night to untag.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
