My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
from now on my penis is your penis
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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