I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
