I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize