hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
