My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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