So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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