I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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