So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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