You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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