This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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