people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
