In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
