did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
