Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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