I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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