she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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