I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
