Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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