i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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