You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
