2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
foreskin is a definite game changer
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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