I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
