Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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