How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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