I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
