I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
