She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
